The List

Some people make lists of Christmas presents (Sarah), others make lists with their friends of people they made out with and post it on facebook with everyone included tagged (Jasper). I make lists of short, trashy, and gay guys aka the loves of my life. So here we go. Sadie's Celeb Crush Breakdown. March 2009.

Let's start with my first celeb obsession. David Boreanaz, more commonly known as Angel. I think this is where most of my fetish started.
I mean, these pictures say it all. This is where I got my fucked up standards. Do you see that asshole brooding in the first pic? (I would have put one of him going vamp, but I'd rather look at him in a see through shirt than with an effed up face) Do you see the Tool Academy oozing off him in the second? And the flames of the third? There are two things wrong with him though. Number one, the height. Boy is taaaall. For me, at least. But more importantly, he did this:
It's just too creepy. There is only one creep allowed in the relationship and that is me. Plus, it's like he's channeling Ethan Hawk as opposed to his usual sexy Nick Lachey thing. In the end, let's see how he fared:
Height: 6'1" Trashy: 6/10 Gay: 3/10

Next up, Paul Rudd.
Paul only needs one picture. Look at that scruff! That pose! Those eyes staring into my soul, begging me to take off my clothes or paint his nails. We're so in love.
Height: 5' 9" Trashy: 0/10 Gay: 4/10

Another sexy comedian who stole my heart: James Roday.
Boy combines all my favorite things: Psychics, lying, hotness, trashiness, gayness, and Model Behavior girl plus Luck of the Irish leprechaun PLUS Budd PLUS amazing aliases (Gus "T.T." Showbiz and Shawn SpenStar) Though he did apparently look like this once:
But did I mention he's hispanic? Totally makes up for the over-trash.
Height: 5'10 1/2" Trashy: 7 (Mainly because when he's not acting he has a major permascowl) Gay: 8 (But mainly bromance gay with Gus)

Let's see if you can guess my next beau by our future plans together:
First, I blow him. Then, I poke him.

If you guessed any character from Arrested Development I'd accept it, but if you guessed Jason Batemen you'd get a free cup of GoBias coffee!
Marry me!
God, I am just having a love affair with him (though, I could go for that ice cream sandwich). I'm sorry about all the Arrested jokes. I'll just move on.
Height: 6' Trashy: 0/10 Gay: 3/10

And now for something waaaaay gayer! Hugh Jackman, ladies and gentlemen!
If this isn't one of the trashiest, gayest things you've ever seen then send me what is. The best part about Hugh is you get the trash, you get the gay, and you get the sexy, sexy man.
It's hard to stare at that for too long. He's almost dangerously hot.
Height: 6'2 1/2" Trashy: 4/10 Gay: 7/10

I gotta speed this up though, since I'm on the phone with my boyfriend. He's actually rating them along with me and he is always spot on.

I know it's kind of weird, but I am so attracted to Charlie Kelly/Charlie Day. Like seriously, he might be my top celebrity I would marry. No, he is. Ok, I said it. Deal with it.
Height: 6'1" (or so he claims. I refuse to believe this) Trashy: 7/10 Gay: 9/10

BJ Novak
Anyone who can create the character of Ryan and start the fire will always have a place in my heart
Height: 5' 81/2" Trashy: 7/10 Gay: 2/10

You all knew it was coming....Chuck Bass
No commentary necessary.
Height: 5' 9 1/2" Trashy: 9/10 Gay: 10/10

Michael C. Hall
Height: 5'10 1/2 Trashy: 5 Gay: 4/10

Jensen Ackles aka Hot Dean from Supernatural
Jensen is known as the better half of Wincest, little did we know that Jensen has been flaming a loong time before he ever went on the ghost hunt.
Height: 6' 1" Trashy: 10/10 Gay: 9/10

Zachary Quinto
Most people know him as Sylar. I know him as this:
Height: 6'1" Trashy: 7/10 Gay: 8/10

And of course, the boys from Veronica Mars:
Beav (And yes, I know that this is my third serial killer. I have issues, Ok)
Height: 5' 8 1/2" Trashy: 5/10 Gay: 7/10
Dick
Height: 6'1" Trashy: 10/10 Gay: 0/10
Logan
Height: 6' Trashy: 7/10 Gay: 10/10

I'm sure none of that was entertaining. But I'll at least leave you with this:

It's Oh So Kawaii-ite

Did you get that pun in the title? The mix of the Japanese word for cute with the Bjork song "It's Oh So Quiet"? GET IT?!? Well, actually you can't really get it until you read on and learn what this post is about, so please continue...

I have been looking extra asian recently. It started around my birthday and I just figured this was God's present to me for the start of this new decade. But now I realize that the All-Mighty's plan was far more complex than just that. He stepped his game up to a whole other level yesterday.

You see, had you been following my tweets from last night you may have noticed this one:

Yes, you read that right. Asian girl red. I was just trying to retint my hair a similar auburn shade to the one I did in January, but oh no! That is not at all what happened.

If you don't know what AGR is, then you must be blind or have never met a hip asian in your life. Though it was surprisingly hard to find pictures of it on the interweb. I did try my best though.

And now, compare those to me. In fact, why don't we do a nice side-by-side.

Yuuup. That happened.

The best/worst part about this whole accidental AGR situation is the roots. Oh, good lord, the roots!

You see on my roots, my hair is not Asian girl red--it's just red! You can't tell that bad unless it's under direct light and it doesn't even show up that well in pictures, but let's take a look now, shall we?

Yeaaaahh......that's cool, I guess.

I actually really find this whole situation kind of hysterical. Today at school people were complimenting the new 'do and I was just like "THANKS! It was a totaly accident-disaster. Glad to know I can work it though!" So I'm just going to keep it and let it fade out, allowing my hair dyeing days to disappear into the past.

So that's what's going on with my hair lately. Oh, and speaking of, there was also some fabulous wig action for my birthday a few weeks ago. It was oddly the second year in a row that I donned a blonde wig for my bday too.

I'm very strange sometimes.

 2010                                                                      2009

Things like that is why I really believe I would have been a much better gay man than I am a straight women. I mean, hell! I'm already attracted to gay face so hard and live for the three G's: Glitter, Gay face, Gossip (I really wish there was a "G" word for pizza because that sooo would have been the third).

I feel like I got really off topic here. So let's just recap. In the past three months my hair has gone through the following transition:

And you got a few hints at how absurdly flamboyant I am. Great. 

Hopefully I'll have time for a real blog post in the upcoming week because I won't be bogged down with that waste of time called "classes."

SPRING BREAK 09 BABY! HANOVER HERE I COME!

(And remember kids, Forever Slutty, Forever 09)

Not Another Gay Boyfriend

I have a problem with gay face. It needs to be dealt with. Or I should just admit defeat.

ASkars Gives Fierce Face As Well As Fangs

I don't think it's any secret that my notebooks are full of a thousand variations of "ASkars + Sadie 4 EVAAA!" doodles. Since True Blood came on the air, Alexander Skarsgard has slowly risen in the ranks of my boyfriends. He is like air conditioning and DVR on a hot summer day, and for those of you in NYC right now you know how valuable those things are (preach it!).

(And yes, I did just baptist choir respond to myself. Suck on that.)

There is one thing standing in the way of our everlasting love, though. Well, technically two. ASkars is tall. In fact, boy is a full foot taller than me, ringing in at a towering 6'4".

The other issue at hand is that calling Alexander Skarsgard trashy is like eating my pizza rolls. You just don't do it.

Until tonight, I thought I was seriously breaking my type with him(ie: short, trashy, gay) but boy, was I wrong! That man has more than enough gay in him to choreograph a Johnny Weir routine with one hand while touching my boobs with the other.

I don't really want to keep you from the amazing piece of video glory any more, so please press play and have your life forever changed for the better.



Was that not my dream come true? Do you not think that nothing can get better than that video? Was that not just utter fierce perfection?

WRONG!
 
Life does get better. You see, while investigating the newly discovered glitter in my baby boy I came across this:

YEAH! WHAT NOW?!?! ASkars played a sassy fancy pants model in Zoolander and gave face even Brüno can't rival!

It's like I could die at this very moment and be perfectly content with my life (the fact that I'm also cuddled up with Lucy, eating chocolate chips and watching Bravo might also be aiding that sentiment).

But really, when I fall asleep this is what I'll be seeing in my dreams from now until forever:

I Smell Sex & Zombies, Yeah

Last night my friend Nina came over to have a do-over. On Friday we had met up to watch a movie, smoke, and go to bed early. Somehow we ended up fucked up, out of my apartment, and out until 5am. We decided to try again to have our calm movie night so she came over and I told her no depressing, serious, or scary flicks.

We watched 28 Days Later.

Now, even though that went against all of my protocol the second she picked up that movie and said "OH EM GEE! Cillian Murphy!" I couldn't resist. Sarah introduced me to dear ol' Cillian way back in 2005 and he's been my boyfriend ever since. Yet somehow I still have never seen 28 Days Later. We watched it and I was actually surprised how not scary the movie was. It was like God smiled down on me, allowing me to both look at Cillian and not have nightmares.

While watching, Nina and I were just mesmerized by his beauty. He is one of the most interesting looking man I've ever seen. We finally figured out what made him so beautiful but not gay-faced.

He has the head of a man.
And the face of a woman.
See, if you just give him long hair and a more feminine head he looks like a woman. Or would if I had done some real photoshopping.
You could also just check him out in Breakfast on Pluto where his Woman Face is very obvious even with his Man Head.
Between watching Cillian go all ape-shit on army guys/zombies and falling even more in love I did some stalking on imdb to great success. Our boy here is in some great upcoming films filled with other beautiful faces/boyfriends.

He's got a movie on deck with Ellen Page, Susan Sarandon, Keith Carradine, Virginia Newcomb, Bill Pulman, and Josh Lucas. There's also one with Colin Farrell and Jonathan Rhys Meyers. But--the most important one of all--he's doing a film with Marion Cottilard, Ellen Page (again, gross), Michael Cain, and...
Leonardo DiCaprio and...


I don't think you're ready for this one, but here it is...



JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT!!!


Life is so good right now.

No Offense Sarah

So I was catching up on my friends and noticed some guy had been commenting. I'm not sure if he's her friend, or family, or "short term lover" (more on that in a moment), but of course I staked him out. It was...interesting. Here are my favorite parts:

"I go to http://blogsearch.google.com and type in my mood and location. It's amazing what comes up. Sadly, it seems that women blog more in Chicago than guys do, so if I type chicago horny or logan square hungry into the blog search, it'll be 70% gals to 30% guys. Guys need to write more, and about more than sports." [emphasis his]
Is it really even necessary to explain? For one, if you're in a hungry mood why do you want to read blogs about being hungry or food? Just eat. This isn't the matrix and you aren't chiprunner. Eat food. And then why do you want to read blogs about horny dudes? Do you know how I scat this guy based on this sentence? Gay.

"I let her know something important: a woman can only be a princess once. Once she loses that luster, it's gone. My mind can convert a princess to a frogette in 3 seconds. Not over a vulgar mouth (princesses swear), not over her clothes or her makeup, and surely not over something like sex or promiscuity. Princesses lose their shine when they act like bitches."

I just love the fact that he said "Princesses lose their shine" and also that a lot of his writing reminds me of my good friend Justin. Part of me is just pretending this blog is his.

"When there is only one store within 100 miles of your house, you're trapped with their prices and quality. When there are 10 stores, you can squeeze the fruit, compare prices, and make a choice as to where to buy from."
He's talking about sleeping around. Isn't he such "a natural gentlemen"?

I also don't even want to think about the multiple uses of the term "short term lover" or the reference to "passionate lovemaking." I remember one time when I guy told me he "wanted to make love to me." We were drunk and I ran laughing into the bathroom where my friends were smoking cigarettes to tell them the story. Next thing I remember was waking up the next morning awkwardly beside him and still a virgin (thank god).

His next post starts off with a great description of himself which includes a very nice namedrop of French Connection (he might as well have said American Eagle or Pac Sun, namedropping jeans is bad enough). He then continues on with this:
"My hair is crazy long at the moment, down to my chin, and it had a great unkempt look to it. When I picked up a carton of cigarettes at the local gas station, my usual late-night gal said "Your hair looks like Johnny Depp's." I'll take a compliment, even from a 40-something gas station worker. I smiled and it never left my face all night."
I feel like I'm reading young adult fiction, the JPP story. But only if Johnny Depp had been replaced with Wolverine or Nicholas Cage.

He then meets a girl at a bar who tells him she has too much college debt. He blogs how, "I offer my condolensces, and let her know it's a common problem."
Really dude? Because I don't think she knew that before and I'm so impressed that you knew that and are sharing this information on the interweb. I'm sorry. It's been a long day and I'm cranky. Just one more and then I'll stop being a bitch.

He goes on to reference her "Target fashionable" outfit (a bit redundant I believe. Target implies the utmost fashion chic) and how he helps an "older black gentleman" outside White Castle while this girl watches--but he didn't know she could see. He was just being kind. And had to blog about it and how impressed she was with his kindness. They end up not doing the deed and the post ends with this:
"She's sexy, has a great face that is almost worthy of receiving my special gift after a night of hard and soft fucking (almost worthy), and she's definitely passionate and attentive.

We'll see. Today I'm off to pick up a DVD or two for the evening, and a nice bottle of wine to share with just myself."

What is this "special gift?" Because it really just sounds like bukake to me and for some reason I'd respect that a lot more than just normal ejaculation.

His labels also put mine to shame. Blog labels really tell something about the writer and what are recurring topics for them. Here are the ones for the last post:
great kisser, imperfect smile, invitation to fuck, kissing like teenagers, soft hands
That really just sums up the whole blog pretty well. Loves it. Now I need to get my cranky ass in bed. I have my last day at TONY tomorrow so I need to be wide awake before I go there so that when I fall asleep googling shit like "Liev Schreiber fansites" and "Wilmer Valderama" I won't completely pass out on my desk.

Countdown to Awesome

I don't think it's any secret that I like dressing up. That's why no one reading this should be surprised that even though it's over two months away, I'm already planning my Halloween costumes (and yes, that is plural).

If I had things my way, I would dress in flamboyant, fabulous costumes with glitter eyeliner and poofed wigs everyday. I am working on building up the balls to dress my heart out on days besides Halloween and my birthday, but it's slow going. The monetary cushion needed to support such a garish habit is also a little hard to build up when I keep blowing it on margaritas at El Moderno and eggs benedict. Until I get rich or make it to the Emerald City where the Wizard will exclaim, "Sadie! You had the courage to dress awesome all along," Halloween is all I got.

I've spent my past few nights at Hachi since I got back from vacation pondering the big H issue and here are the top contenders I've come up with (if you steal any of these ideas without permission from me, I will pee on your floor):

Adam Lambert

Heavy black eyeliner, emo hair, leather, and bedazzlement--what about this doesn't scream my name? I mean, my life is the Glam Nation tour!

Johnny Weir

Johnny is one of my main boyfriends and a slight idol of mine. The only issue with Weir is that I can't decide if I would go as street Johnny Weir with tons of fur and mini metallic gloves (my current desktop background) or Poker Face Johnny with face paint and a mirrored leotard (one of my former desktop backgrounds). If you need a small taste of me as street Johnny, here's some shots of me channeling him in Berlin:

Eloise

I fucking love Eloise at the Plaza. My mom used to hide the book from Emi and I because it's all we ever wanted her to read us. Now, all I want is a Kleenex box as a hat and a little pug to pay homage to my rambunctious heroine.

Candyland

This is more of a group thing. But I totally call dibs on either Princess Lolly or Lord Licorice.

Fraggle

This is pretty much the same as Candyland where I would want a group, but I can't decide which one I would go as. There's Red, Wembley, Gobo, Boober, and so many more! I don't know if I could bring myself to choose.

Bernie Lomax

Do I really even need to explain this one? Bernie's the best, I'm the best. It just makes sense.

Stefon's Ideas

If you haven't seen the SNL Stefon clips then just get out of my life until you watch them and cry because you were laughing so hard. Plus, just think of the skits as him listing amazing Halloween costume ideas. There's DJ Baby Bok Choy, puppets in disguise, human fire hydrants, and of course, Gay Liotta.

Paula Abdul and Scat Cat

I don't know if y'all know about my love for "Opposites Attract." I made it my goal in my animation class last year to watch this cinematic masterpiece in class (and I totally succeeded). All I need to do is find someone tall and lanky to be my partner in crime (cat preferred, but I will accept human applicants).

I still have months until Halloween but I'm already stressed in trying to narrow down this list. I know you guys are really invested in my Halloween costume decisions so I'll keep you updated.

Just One Of Those Days

Do you ever wake up and not only not understand what happened last night but also how it happened? Because this is one of those days.

Last night my roommmate and I had to work a fashion party for our internship. We were banished to the models room to be dressers. Pretty much we just took their clothes and handed them clothes. It was hell...at first. Everyone was so serious and intense about everything and Kelly and I really didn't give a fuck passed not sending naked girls into the party. Then after the first change was done the stylist had a cocktail waitress bring us all a glass of wine. Kelly and I sipped on these slowly during the time lapse between changes. Then after second change the waitress left a bottle on the table. We had three, maaaybe four more glasses of wine for the rest of our time upstairs. At one point during this our boss (who was supposed to be a dresser as well but cannot stand fashion so got out of the job due to 'allergies') came up. We could not stop giggling, and she offered us a drink of water (which we believe to have been vodka) but she couldn't tell we were drunk at all, just two girls having a giggle attack. Passed that test.

So then the fashion show ends and we find our boss. All the fashion interns had done our cleanup job and wanted none of our help. We were nubes so now that there wasn't a time crunch they would rather do it themselves. Most of those interns were megabitches who would do those sly put downs right to your face ("I really appreciate you guys trying to hang these clothes to the best of your ability"). Since they're doing our job we go and find our boss who says the bar is still open and to hang around for about fifteen minutes, get a 'soda', or whatnot. Kelly and I get another glass of wine. This is when we lose it.

Our boss comes over again and cheers us, she learns of our drunkeness, it's all good. We think she left the party after that, but maybe she just left us. We don't see any of our other bosses and the place is packed (Kelly Kupowski was there). Then the hairdresser (who is apparently not gay) sticks his tongue down Kelly's throat knowing how young she is. Majorly creepy. After that she just needed to get out of there. On the walk to the subway we realize that we are completely and utterly smashed. It was not even eleven yet. Neither of us really remember the ride home or even transfering trains. All I remember was being so amazed at our state doing the drunken self-proclamation "I'M SOO DRUNKKKK" on the train while people judge mercilessly, which they had a right to.

We then burst into our friends apartment and Kelly knocks three chairs off the wall first thing. We don't really know what happened there either. I remember our friends told us they'd never seen us that drunk before and last year I drank an entire bottle of wine and then started chugging tequila. But no, five glasses of wine and Kelly and I are roll-around-on-the-floor-blackout drunk. Exhibit A.
We somehow make it to our apartment and put on Arrested. We try to get our friend to come and make us mac and cheese through texts like "we xabt move." We then passed out before midnight. Kelly and I both woke up at seven (her in all of my clothes, with the shirt on backwards) and still a little drunk. We have no idea how that happened off of five glasses of wine. Maybe we're just so used to Two Buck Chuck that the good stuff took us off guard. Now we're confused, embarrased, and a little bit worried. But on the plus side, we have no hangovers.

Childish Gambino: Geek Your Whole Face Out

Man, I'm just all about funny rappers lately. First Mark Turns, now Childish Gambino. Luckily, Don Glover actually knows he's hilarious and uses it.

And if you're sitting there thinking "Don Glover...why do I know that name?" it's probably because you know him from the NBC show Community or more likely, you know him as my #1 boyfriend.

We met last fall at one of his comedy shows in Greenpoint. So far, that's as far as our relationship has gone. But my powers of Creep and own personal awesomeness will one day get me a date, if not at least a Neil Patrick Harris point pic.

Aren't we such a gorgeous couple?

As part of my full-on love-stalk, I figured I should probably check out his music. I downloaded all of his shit a couple days ago and I'm kind of obsessed now. It's the perfect walking around NYC music, as well as a great bus ride soundtrack (a feature which I'm taking advantage of I type--Go Hanover, NH!)

He raps over some really great songs (Yeasayer's "Sunrise" anyone?) and has all the hilarious-stupid lyrics that I love: "Yes, my dick will make that hoe tell, like a bellboy" and my favorite, "Even if she's so angel that she's on Bones."

Plus, there's just that hint of gay that I love in a boy.

I mean, look at that sass! We're meant to be. 

Sometimes when he's rapping it kind of sounds like he has a monster head cold, but I kind of love it. It just emphasizes his geekiness, which I find absolutely adorable. I want to bring him orange juice and lozenges then curl up with TV. It'd be a perfect day.

I'm such a creep. If I ever did meet him again he'd probably get the major heebs and look at me just like this:

"Oh, you're that girl who tweeted that the last time we met was

the story of how you're going to tell your children 

that you met their dad...Hi, again...."

Until then, I'll just have to satisfy myself with his music. He has a couple dozen songs, so I'll just leave you with my picks:

Bitch Look At Me Now (Two Weeks)

 

Grind

Turd in the Over (Diplomat's Son)

I Can Hear Your Feet (Sunrise)

New Prince (Crown on the Ground)

I Love Clothes (Deadbeat Summer)

Hollerin feat. Dean

Extraordinary

Sunshine feat. Dean

Hawk Jones feat. Dree Drei

New York Pity

My Girls (My Girls)