Tis the Season

I flew home last night a few days early because of something I'm really not ready to blog about yet, but I do want to share just a quick few quotes from the first leg of my plane journey last night which really did cheer me up a little.

So let's set the scene: A crowded plane parked on the runway. There are 27 rows of people in front of me taking their time on exiting. The flight crew thought this would be a prime time to blaaaaaast the heat so that everyone immediately begins sweating balls. Pretty much, it was a horrible situation. Then the woman behind me starts talking to her friend.

"Aw shit girl, I'm trying to get off this plane but it is taking for-evvver. Everyone be taking their sweet time getting of this shit. You'd think they'd want to get off the damn plane. And me! I'm all the way at the back of the plane like I'm Rosa Parks!"

That's when me and the guy next to me stopped everything and starting taking this evesdropping game way more seriously. We knew it would be good.

"So I'm going home Sunday and then I'm getting saved on Monday, so that means this weekend we have to paaaarrtaaaaayyyy!"

Here, I got a little confused. I thought, "There has to be another meaning of 'saved,' " but lo and behold...

"Uh uh, girl. God forgives all sinners so we can seriously paaaartaaayyy."

I wish I remembered more of her ridiculous soundbites. I just love this woman and am truly thankful for her. She even made me forget for a few minutes that I hadn't showered in four days, had no make-up on except the leftover smears from wear my mascara and previously been pre-tears, was wearing maroon sweatpants, a mismatching and oversized maroon zip up, a turquoise cheetah dress, and Fuggs. Pretty much, I was classy as always.

I'd also like to quickly thank all my friends who are being super amazing too right now. Kelly, for changing my flight and packing me up and just doing everything I couldn't do yesterday. Sarah, for picking me up right now and driving me into Urbana. And Bri, for taking me out to lunch.

Oh, and of course my Mom for picking me up in Bloomington last night at 11pm even though she had school this morning. I love you all and I am happy to be home, even if it is under such unfortunate circumstances.

Top of the Decade: The Music Edition

If you know me at all, than you know I looove to classify and categorize. People who aren't organized literally blow my mind. I see an messy desktop on a computer and it actually hurts me, like physically hurts me, not to set in place a good folder system. It just makes life so much easier! Plus, it's fun. For me at least. My point is, as the decade is coming to a close people like me can't help but come up with a list of the Top So-And-So of the Decade so instead of doing my paper like I should, I did this instead.

Top Solo Debut: Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake

Runner-Up: Crazy in Love by Beyoncé

Top Song You Will Never Ever Get Sick Of: Suga Suga by Baby Bash

Top Party Staple: Ignition (Remix) by R. Kelly

Top Song to Get Slutty To: Me & You by Cassie

Top Retro Jam: Ain't No Other Man by Christina Aguilera

Top Song About A Dance: 1,2 Step by Ciara

Top Moral Story Song: What Would You Do by City High

Top Song by a Minor: Aaron's Party (Come Get It) by Aaron Carter

Runner-Up: Too Little Too Late by JoJo

Top Collaboration: What's Luv? by Fat Joe, Ja Rule, & Ashanti

Runner-Up: Imma Flirt by R.Kelly, T-Pain, & T.I.

Top Song You Hate to Love: Low by Flo Rida

Top Song You Should Hate But Love So Much You Don't Even Care: Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus

Top Mash Up: Numb/Encore by Jay-Z and Linkin Park

Top Whiney Song: Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional

Runners-Up: It Ends Tonight by All-American Rejects and Konstantine by Something Corporate

Top Remake: Lady Marmalade by Christina Aguilera, Pink, Mya, & Lil Kim

Top Trashy Song: She Fucking Hates Me by Puddle of Mudd

Runner-Up: Lips of an Angel by Hinder

Top Day Specific Celebration Song: Birthday Sex by Jerimih

Runner-Up: Willenium by Will Smith

Top Song From A Movie: We Run This by Missy Elliot

Top One Hit Wonder: Fidelity by Regina Spektor

Top Dance Song: Disturbia by Rihanna

Runner-Up: Take You There by Sean Kingston

Top Foreign Language Song: La Tortura by Shakira & Alejandro Sanz

Runner-Up: Calabria 2007 by Enur feat. Natasja

Top Feel Good Jam: Never Let You Go by Third Eye Blind

Top Song No One Can Talk Shit About: The Seed 2.0 by The Roots

Top Sad Love Song: Crazy by KC & JoJo

Runner-Up: Burn by Usher

Top Sample: Stronger by Kanye West

Runners-Up: Beautiful Girls by Sean Kingston, Wild Wild West by Will Smith

Top Song Based on a Place: Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z & Alicia Keys

Top New Artist: Lady GaGa

Top Artist I Miss: Nelly

Top Music Video: Bad Romance by Lady GaGa

Runners-Up: Did It Again by Shakira, Paparazzi by Lady GaGa, Smell Yo Dick by Riskay

I Am Now Officially Published

Yes, you read that right. As of today I am a published writer.

Ok, so JoonBug isn't really known for it's blogs. I don't even know if anyone even reads them. But they should. In fact you should all get a really big interest in Las Vegas life right now and start reading the goddamn JoonBug Las Vegas blog. It's awesome! I might be a little biased but still.

Though my old internship wasn't bad, I am just loving my new one. In fact, it isn't really an internship. I'm an Outside Markets Editor (I had to check the website to learn what my job title was):

See how important I am? Well, not really. Maybe if I was they would pay me. But still, it's awesome. Today I wrote three pieces for the Vegas blog and two have already gone up.

One, about a new night club Vanity, and the other about Sarah and I's favorite summer film: The Hangover. Read them. Comment. Be in awe of my awesomeness.

I'm done being arrogant now. But truthfully, I really do love the new internship. It's completely independent. I research what stories would be good and them just pick one and start writing. Today I just felt so grown up. At my last internship everything you did was dictated but here I get to be in charge of what I do. I also met some friends for lunch today at Republic and just felt all adult. Leaving the office to grab a bite at a hip Union Square restaurant--so Sex & the City. My mom would have loved it.

So anyways, I guess the point of this whole article is Happy Chanukkah! Let's get drunk!

The Horror....

People. You really should check out the video some of my friends made for their horror film class. There is no way to prepare you for what is to come. Especially if you know them (ie: especially if you're Sarah or Emi).

Crawling In My Skin

Note: What if we all started Linkin Park Lyric Monday? Where we tried to incorporate at least one LP lyric into everyday life. Sound good? Sounds good. And now for the post:

So there I was: all cozy in bed, about to pass out (Yes, it was before midnight and no, I am not lame), when I see it---a cockroach.

That's right! There was a bug. In my room. Many of you know my rules on animals: "If it has more than four legs or less than two, I'd like to bid that monstrosity adieu."

I just made up that poem, but the rule still stands. I do not under any circumstances mess with bugs or snakes (Animals that swim are exempt from that rule. They have a whole other set of logic, mainly based on eyes). Señor Cockroach was across the floor, circling my riding boots. I was petrified. I think I even went into shock for a moment, but then my brain kicked in again."You wanna take a ride, Roachie? Oh, you'll take a ride...straight to Hell!"

I had finally pulled myself together. My mind was working again and I knew I could finally do what needed to be done: Scream for Kelly.

I know I screamed pretty damn loud too. There are a lot of times when I see something stupid online or my own thoughts make me laugh so hard I feel like I need to share them with someone just so my personal hilarity can fulfill its awesomeness potential, and so I yell out for Kellz. "Kelly!!!....Keelllyyyyyy!!!!" I'll even go Kanye Caps on it: "KEELLLYYYYY!!!" All that, and nothing. No response. Nada. This time though, Kelly came a 'runnin. So either she's figured out a way to decifer my distraction yells from my yells of terror or I yelled louder than I thought. Either way, Kelly walked in armed with a paper towel and squashed the little freak while I hovered in the corner of my bed, clutching Claude, and whimpering--actually whimpering.

I don't know why bugs freak me out so bad. Maybe it was all those years reading Animorphs with all those Yeerks slithering into people's ears and taking over their brain. Bugs are that small. They could do that. I'll probably never know why bugs are the absolute grossest and scariest things ever, but there are a few things I do know: Now I'm wide awake and feel like I'll never sleep again, I'm going to have nightmares a la The Mummy tonight, I have the greatest roommate ever, and I'm never EVER letting Claude leave my side again. Not at least while they're out there hatching their evil plans. Claude's the only barrier between me and the evil bug army that live in my riding boots (I know that's why he was checking them out earlier. They want to make it their not-so-secret lair. I won't try to fight it. I know I don't stand a chance against them. You may have my riding boots, but you shall never have my flats!!!! That's because my flats are on my chair right now Suck that, Roaches! Wait--cockroaches can't climb, right? Oh please Lord tell me cockroaches can't climb!)

UPDATE:
Apparently, the Yeerks are real. Just another thing for me to be irrationally afraid of.

I Want To Spend the Rest of My Life High-Fiving THIS

God, I love Missed Connections, but none will ever top this (click on the picture to see in full).

Want To Get Someone A Xmas Present that 'Pops'?

Get them Booty Pop: What every insecure girl needs! (And can you imagine being a guy and encountering these while hooking up with someone?)