Halloween How-To: Britney Spears in "Toxic"

I dream about Halloween (no joke) and a good portion of these dreams have been centered around one costume idea: Britney Spears as the "Toxic" flight attendant. And now, my dream has come true!

This was definitely the only costume I had this year that cost money or took any effort. But if you love Brit Brit as much as me, I totally recommend trying this for next year.

1. You will need about 2 1/2 yards of teal fabric (I went shiny to make it even more absurd), silver ribbon, stuffing, FMQ shoes, and of course: glittery false eyelashes.

Unfortunately, I actually left my  eyelash glue at home so I had to skip that last step. It truly broke my heart.

Luckily, I was able to drink my sorrows away quite successfully.

2. This is the most important step. You need to get yourself a fashion student friend who's willing to help. Janelle here is sort of like a costume goddess and I was insanely lucky to have her make my costume for me.

So that's it! It's pretty simple — unless you're Janelle, that is.

When "Toxic" came on at the party, I was too pumped. I mean, that song is my jam! It's been my ringtone since sophomore year of high school, but when I heard it in my costume I finally felt as though I could move on.

Just kidding! You guys get to keep listening to that until I have to become a real person!

But seriously, the best part of the costume: Janelle made it even sluttier than the original costume Britney wore. It was ass out, booty out and I loved every second!

Certain people were freaking out all night that my skirt was too short and I was going to show off the goodies, but they forgot two very important things.

1. I never leave the house without my booty shorts on.

2. It's Halloween!

I mean, just look at my friend Mik! She truly got into the Halloween spirit as a bootleg Black Canary.

There were a lot of great ghetto costumes at the party The Girls/Willie threw on Sunday that weren't slutty. So if you're not me or Mik, there are awesome, cheap and more modest Halloween costumes for people on a budget.

Nina here rocked a blanket and shower curtain and went as Bartok from Anastasia. How fucking hilarious is that?!?

Janelle and Willie went as Paper and Plastic. Janelle wore a fucking awesome giant smiley face bag and Willie went as a bag lunch. It was totally adorbs. But Janelle's other costume totally took the cake — or should I say ice cream cake....

Bitch went as frickin soft serve! How cute is that?!? I'm seriously obsessed with her costumes every year.

And now, this costume is by no means easy. But it gets an honorable mention for awesomeness:

Those dino sleeves on her arms? Skaidra made that shit out of bubble wrap!

Her and Janelle kind of own Halloween.

Just looking at these pictures again is getting me so pumped for next year!

Maybe I'll just dress up as Roofie for his birthday party/Neuterfest 09 on Thursday...

Halloween How-To: Taylor Momsen

I've never been that into Slutoween — with the exception of the Sailor Saturn costume my mom made me. But seriously. Who could resist the awesomeness of this outfit?

The best part is, you can't even tell how ridiculously short the shirt is or how insane the boots are.

But moving on. This year I'm really upping the ante in the slut factor. Last night, I went as everyone's favorite underaged whore: Taylor Momsen. 

The best part about my T-Mom get-up is I didn't have to spend a dime! Though, when you look at what that meant I already owned, you may be inclined to judge me a little. 

So here's how to be your very own Haiti-hating, chain smoking, vibrator obsessed teenager.

1. Girl cannot live without three things: flannel, leather, and an over-sized shirt without pants. These are things that every girl has in their closet. And if they don't, they clearly are not my friend.

2. Here's where the "slut" part comes in. Taylor love, love, loves to wear lingerie as daywear, so bust our those thigh highs and garter belts and be prepared to look like a gutter hooker on her day off!

3. Find the goddamn rattiest long blonde wig you can find. Luckily, I already had one lying from my Sadie Gaga birthday party. I've really learned in the past year that you will use a long blonde wig more than you would ever imagine when you bought it. So if you don't have one yet, I recommend picking one up asap.

4. Obviously, I had to rock those false eyelashes again. And a shit ton of black eyeshadow to go with it. Sadly, I did underestimate how much eyeshadow I would need to properly emulate Lady T in photos. It was my one epic failure.

And there you have it! If you follow those simple steps then you, too, could look like the hottest mess on the block this holiday season!

Movin' Like Bernie

It's officially Halloween weekend. That means slutty costumes, excessive drinking, and goddamn dancing. But if you feel lost in the sea of Snookis and skanky renditions of comic book characters, I found the way you can help make yourself stand out from the crowd. When the music is pumpin', instead of grinding and booty shaking like everybody else, just bust out this sweet new dance (and yes, it is based off of me and Rachel Green's all-time favorite movie Weekend at Bernie's).

If you're in the NYC area this weekend I'm sure you'll see me and Thompson breakin' it down Bernie Lomax style. We're super sexy like that.

Halloween How-To: Bootleg Bristow

I don't think it's any secret that I love Halloween, so when the opportunity came to dress up this year a week early I was thrilled. The problem was I am broke! And, the costume party was on a Saturday night. The same Saturday night as two other parties that were not themed. To avoid looking cray-cray and to maintain a reasonable sum in my bank account, I racked my brain for any easy/cheap solution. That's when I remembered the ultimate Halloween costume for the poor and lazy: Sydney Bristow!

If you also hate outfit repeating on Halloween but spent all your budget on your Slutty Chewbacca costume, here's how to be everyone's favorite double agent:

1. Wear all black. I'm sure not everyone has a pair of leather pants lying around (though Forever 21 would have otherwise), but shiny leggings or even regular ones will be good enough. Oh, and unless you want to look like an Amish beat poet, skip the turtleneck.

2. I'm addicted to false eyelashes, so this was a must for me (I might even wear these out on Thursday for fun). But you can skip this step if you don't have some lying around (aka if you're LAME!)

 3. Colored hair spray. Ughhh. This is the only part that sucks. Your hair will look and feel TERRIBLE and it will result in a 4:30am shower so you don't make your bed look like a murder zone while you sleep.

Cassidy as College, me as Sydney

And there you have it! Best part about this costume — so many people didn't even think I was dressed up. They just thought I was a slut with AWFUL hair and heavenly lashes. (Seriously. someone asked me if my eyelashes were real.)

So happy fucking pre-Halloween. Go carve some Jack-o-lanterns, drink seasonal ale, eat candy and get slutty 09!

Nightmare on Leonard Street

I am so pissed right now. If you know me at all then you are aware of exactly how much I love love love Halloween. It's one of the few days of the year where I'm actually excited to do something and don't have a problem standing a lot or walking (two of my least favorite activities).

Of course, it is this weekend that my foot decides to stop working. Randomly yesterday, the arch of my left foot started hurting. By the end of the night I was hobbling around like a cripple. Even though I was so wasted that I couldn't read I could still feel the pain--it was that bad. But I kind of hoped that if I slept it off and kept off my foot for eight hours or so it'd be OK today.

I wake up and it's just as bad as it was last night, maybe worse. I've iced it, elevated it, stretched it, massaged it. None of it worked. The only thing I've found to help at all, oddly, is wearing heels. I'm sitting around, unshowered, unkempt, in sweats, no makeup,...and heels. It's weird. And obnoxious. I love Halloween almost as much as I love birthdays, maybe even more. And I don't even know if I can go to the big parade tonight! All I want to do tonight is dance and party and have an awesome time. I don't know how I'm going to do that if I can't even walk.

I knew I should have been Lady GaGa in Paparazzi. (That was a legit costume idea of mine. Don't judge.)