Fuck Staycation, Give Me A Gaycation!

Tomorrow morning I leave for vacation again. (I'm spoiled, I know. White privilege. Whatcha gonna do about it?)

(Please don't actually answer that and make me feel terribly guilty.)

The first stop on my whirlwind tour of the Midwest (aka Michigan and Illinois) is Gull Lake where I shall be helping Sarah babysit some kids. I can't fucking wait for this. There is nothing more fabulous than kiddie dance parties. Look at a picture of a little girl in dress-up lipsyncing to Britney Spears and then a picture of a drag queen doing the same. Practically no difference at all when it comes down to it.

So in honor of all the fierceness that's about to happen on hopefully the biggest gaycation I'll be on until Sarah and I take Las Vegas (Celine here we come!) below are some pics of one of my main STG (short, trashy, gay) boyfriends.

Ok, if I can be honest here, these pictures aren't exactly in honor of my gaycation. I saw on Twitter that Google Images got a makeover and wanted to test it. My brain went on autopilot and googled one of my favorite all-time searches: Jensen Ackles gay. There were so many new entries that I felt they needed to be shown to the world as soon as possible. 

Fashion Show! Fashion Show! Fashion Show at Lunch!

Yes, I go to New School.

Yes, I have Animal Collective, Peter Bjorn and John, Passion Pit AND Grizzly Bear on my iTunes.

And yes, I do live in fucking Williamsburg.

I swear to you though, I have truly tried to resist my hipster impulses and not dress solely in bras, blazers and ripped lace shorts. But alas, today I fell. Not completely off the wagon, mind you. I was definitely hanging with the tips of my fingers to the little dignity I had left. 

You see, Cory and I went out to a fair today and my lazy ass didn't want to wear real clothes. So off I went into the depths of Williamsburg, dressed like this:

Yes, that is my bra you see.

And yes, those are booty bike shorts from Urban Outfitters.

I'm sure Emi is just rolling her eyes and vomiting all over me right now. She hates it when I wear leggings and a tie-dye t-shirt and this is a whole heck of a lot worse. But frankly, I don't care. 

I'm 20 years old. I show my bra and ass in public and I do what I want! I don't care if some townie on vacation snaps a pic and puts me on UIUC No Pants. I was fucking comfortable and that's all that matters.

And wouldn't you rather have me wear a little less clothes than have me wear something with some slutty saying or strategically placed graphics?

See? Wouldn't those be way worse? 

Though, the eyes on the tits one is pretty funny because it's like your boobs are staring down whose ever staring at your boobs and going "Bitch plz. Back the fuck up."

Plus, at least I don't dress like a slutty subway ad for a show about lesbians (I'm looking at you, people who bought this Mod Cloth swimsuit and thought it was "tres chic").

Point made. Case closed.

ASkars Gives Fierce Face As Well As Fangs

I don't think it's any secret that my notebooks are full of a thousand variations of "ASkars + Sadie 4 EVAAA!" doodles. Since True Blood came on the air, Alexander Skarsgard has slowly risen in the ranks of my boyfriends. He is like air conditioning and DVR on a hot summer day, and for those of you in NYC right now you know how valuable those things are (preach it!).

(And yes, I did just baptist choir respond to myself. Suck on that.)

There is one thing standing in the way of our everlasting love, though. Well, technically two. ASkars is tall. In fact, boy is a full foot taller than me, ringing in at a towering 6'4".

The other issue at hand is that calling Alexander Skarsgard trashy is like eating my pizza rolls. You just don't do it.

Until tonight, I thought I was seriously breaking my type with him(ie: short, trashy, gay) but boy, was I wrong! That man has more than enough gay in him to choreograph a Johnny Weir routine with one hand while touching my boobs with the other.

I don't really want to keep you from the amazing piece of video glory any more, so please press play and have your life forever changed for the better.



Was that not my dream come true? Do you not think that nothing can get better than that video? Was that not just utter fierce perfection?

WRONG!
 
Life does get better. You see, while investigating the newly discovered glitter in my baby boy I came across this:

YEAH! WHAT NOW?!?! ASkars played a sassy fancy pants model in Zoolander and gave face even Brüno can't rival!

It's like I could die at this very moment and be perfectly content with my life (the fact that I'm also cuddled up with Lucy, eating chocolate chips and watching Bravo might also be aiding that sentiment).

But really, when I fall asleep this is what I'll be seeing in my dreams from now until forever: