Who's the Most Do-Able Divorced, Dumped or Dumpee Celebrity?

Early December is prime time for dumping (Trust me, I know.) The pre-holiday dump is great for many because then you don't have to buy that pesky significant other a gift and you're free to find the perfect skank to ring in the new year with.

I mean, what says "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" more than making out with someone you don't know in a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend's hallway?

A lot of celebrities decided to take advantage of dumping season, which sucks for them but is great for me! While I love all my celebrity boyfriends, it kind of takes the fun out of it if they're actually in love with someone else. That's why I read the year-end wrap ups of celebrity break ups as my own personal Who To Stalk List. So here goes Sadie's potential boyfriends for 2011!

The Most Do-Able Divorcée, Dumped & Dumpee Celebrities

Kellan Lutz and AnnaLynne McCord

Even though he dated Drunkface for so long (which is major points in the neg), Kellan is just too studly to be tainted by that slag. And he does say he wants to date a normal girl now. I'm normal! He can date me! Only problem with that is apparently "normal" to Kellan means athletic and into football and shit. No thank you! He can teach me about tweeting things that no one really cares about and I can teach him about being lazy and we'll just skip that exercise shit.

Ryan Phillipe and Abbie Cornish

So there's a good chance that Ryan is a cheating bastard. What actually happened between him and Abbie is all mixed up with contradicting stories and rumors. But at the end of the day, Ryan is too eff-ing hot and I still love him. I'm blind-sided by that sexy scruff of his. I can't help it.

Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens

Vanessa's brunette. I'm brunette. I can curl my hair if that's what he's into. C'mon Zac! Just let me know what I have to do to make you and those abs mine! I don't care if you're gay! I really don't! Let me be your beard!

Dexter Morgan and Debra Morgan

So honestly, this couple always kind of creeped me out because I could never stop thinking of them as brother and sister. But at the same time I loved it. It's all very confusing. They were so cute in a weird, incestuous way. I am pretty stoked that Michael C. Hall is single again, though. He was in my original boyfriend list so this is a pretty exciting moment for me. I wonder if he ever wears that kill shirt in bed...

Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson

I am not a Scarlett Johansson fan. She's hot, but that's kind of it. Ryan Reynolds is hot and funny and smart and romantic. He needs someone who is more than just pretty because, frankly, after looking at ScarJo for a while she just bores me. Learn to shake it up a little, gurl! I think Ryan and I would be a much better match. I'm attractive enough and let's be honest — I'm awesome!. Plus, rumors have it that Scarlett wasn't even that nice to him. I'm the sweetest! So why don't you upgrade, Ryan? You won't regret it!

Colin Farrell and Alicija Bachleda-Curus

So Colin Farrell is definitely a fixer-upper. That facial hair and his penchant for fedoras would seriously need to go if we were to ever to be seen in public together, but he's still pretty sexy. It's that damn accent. Plus, now that he's a dad and shit hopefully he's douchebagey ways are a thing of the past. 

Gabriel Aubry and Halle Berry

Halle Berry is another one of those beautiful people that I just find absolutely dull and boring. Gabriel, on the other hand, is one of those beautiful people that I don't even care whether or not his personality is dumb or boring since he is so fucking fiiiiiiine. He's like Sawyer if instead of living on a mysterious death island he lived on an island off the coast of Grenyorny! He's the perfect balance of rich pretty boy and rugged sex appeal and he will be mine.

Stuart Townsend and Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron is the shit. Therefore, I assume anyone she would spend nine years of her life with is equally awesome. So congratulations, Stuart. I barely know you, but I would trust Charlize's tastes with my life. Arrested Development, being BFFs with Liv Tyler, her episode of Between Two Ferns...Girl knows what's up.

Mustache Baby!

If this isn't the greatest music video you've ever seen —besides "Toxic," obviously— then I will be shocked.

(And send me the link to whatever's better asap.)

Halloween How-To: Britney Spears in "Toxic"

I dream about Halloween (no joke) and a good portion of these dreams have been centered around one costume idea: Britney Spears as the "Toxic" flight attendant. And now, my dream has come true!

This was definitely the only costume I had this year that cost money or took any effort. But if you love Brit Brit as much as me, I totally recommend trying this for next year.

1. You will need about 2 1/2 yards of teal fabric (I went shiny to make it even more absurd), silver ribbon, stuffing, FMQ shoes, and of course: glittery false eyelashes.

Unfortunately, I actually left my  eyelash glue at home so I had to skip that last step. It truly broke my heart.

Luckily, I was able to drink my sorrows away quite successfully.

2. This is the most important step. You need to get yourself a fashion student friend who's willing to help. Janelle here is sort of like a costume goddess and I was insanely lucky to have her make my costume for me.

So that's it! It's pretty simple — unless you're Janelle, that is.

When "Toxic" came on at the party, I was too pumped. I mean, that song is my jam! It's been my ringtone since sophomore year of high school, but when I heard it in my costume I finally felt as though I could move on.

Just kidding! You guys get to keep listening to that until I have to become a real person!

But seriously, the best part of the costume: Janelle made it even sluttier than the original costume Britney wore. It was ass out, booty out and I loved every second!

Certain people were freaking out all night that my skirt was too short and I was going to show off the goodies, but they forgot two very important things.

1. I never leave the house without my booty shorts on.

2. It's Halloween!

I mean, just look at my friend Mik! She truly got into the Halloween spirit as a bootleg Black Canary.

There were a lot of great ghetto costumes at the party The Girls/Willie threw on Sunday that weren't slutty. So if you're not me or Mik, there are awesome, cheap and more modest Halloween costumes for people on a budget.

Nina here rocked a blanket and shower curtain and went as Bartok from Anastasia. How fucking hilarious is that?!?

Janelle and Willie went as Paper and Plastic. Janelle wore a fucking awesome giant smiley face bag and Willie went as a bag lunch. It was totally adorbs. But Janelle's other costume totally took the cake — or should I say ice cream cake....

Bitch went as frickin soft serve! How cute is that?!? I'm seriously obsessed with her costumes every year.

And now, this costume is by no means easy. But it gets an honorable mention for awesomeness:

Those dino sleeves on her arms? Skaidra made that shit out of bubble wrap!

Her and Janelle kind of own Halloween.

Just looking at these pictures again is getting me so pumped for next year!

Maybe I'll just dress up as Roofie for his birthday party/Neuterfest 09 on Thursday...

Halloween How-To: Taylor Momsen

I've never been that into Slutoween — with the exception of the Sailor Saturn costume my mom made me. But seriously. Who could resist the awesomeness of this outfit?

The best part is, you can't even tell how ridiculously short the shirt is or how insane the boots are.

But moving on. This year I'm really upping the ante in the slut factor. Last night, I went as everyone's favorite underaged whore: Taylor Momsen. 

The best part about my T-Mom get-up is I didn't have to spend a dime! Though, when you look at what that meant I already owned, you may be inclined to judge me a little. 

So here's how to be your very own Haiti-hating, chain smoking, vibrator obsessed teenager.

1. Girl cannot live without three things: flannel, leather, and an over-sized shirt without pants. These are things that every girl has in their closet. And if they don't, they clearly are not my friend.

2. Here's where the "slut" part comes in. Taylor love, love, loves to wear lingerie as daywear, so bust our those thigh highs and garter belts and be prepared to look like a gutter hooker on her day off!

3. Find the goddamn rattiest long blonde wig you can find. Luckily, I already had one lying from my Sadie Gaga birthday party. I've really learned in the past year that you will use a long blonde wig more than you would ever imagine when you bought it. So if you don't have one yet, I recommend picking one up asap.

4. Obviously, I had to rock those false eyelashes again. And a shit ton of black eyeshadow to go with it. Sadly, I did underestimate how much eyeshadow I would need to properly emulate Lady T in photos. It was my one epic failure.

And there you have it! If you follow those simple steps then you, too, could look like the hottest mess on the block this holiday season!

Movin' Like Bernie

It's officially Halloween weekend. That means slutty costumes, excessive drinking, and goddamn dancing. But if you feel lost in the sea of Snookis and skanky renditions of comic book characters, I found the way you can help make yourself stand out from the crowd. When the music is pumpin', instead of grinding and booty shaking like everybody else, just bust out this sweet new dance (and yes, it is based off of me and Rachel Green's all-time favorite movie Weekend at Bernie's).

If you're in the NYC area this weekend I'm sure you'll see me and Thompson breakin' it down Bernie Lomax style. We're super sexy like that.

Halloween How-To: Bootleg Bristow

I don't think it's any secret that I love Halloween, so when the opportunity came to dress up this year a week early I was thrilled. The problem was I am broke! And, the costume party was on a Saturday night. The same Saturday night as two other parties that were not themed. To avoid looking cray-cray and to maintain a reasonable sum in my bank account, I racked my brain for any easy/cheap solution. That's when I remembered the ultimate Halloween costume for the poor and lazy: Sydney Bristow!

If you also hate outfit repeating on Halloween but spent all your budget on your Slutty Chewbacca costume, here's how to be everyone's favorite double agent:

1. Wear all black. I'm sure not everyone has a pair of leather pants lying around (though Forever 21 would have otherwise), but shiny leggings or even regular ones will be good enough. Oh, and unless you want to look like an Amish beat poet, skip the turtleneck.

2. I'm addicted to false eyelashes, so this was a must for me (I might even wear these out on Thursday for fun). But you can skip this step if you don't have some lying around (aka if you're LAME!)

 3. Colored hair spray. Ughhh. This is the only part that sucks. Your hair will look and feel TERRIBLE and it will result in a 4:30am shower so you don't make your bed look like a murder zone while you sleep.

Cassidy as College, me as Sydney

And there you have it! Best part about this costume — so many people didn't even think I was dressed up. They just thought I was a slut with AWFUL hair and heavenly lashes. (Seriously. someone asked me if my eyelashes were real.)

So happy fucking pre-Halloween. Go carve some Jack-o-lanterns, drink seasonal ale, eat candy and get slutty 09!

The Greatest Gift

I'm back!

After a two-plus month hiatus your favorite blogger has returned. But since it's 11 in the morning right now and I have to go to class today I don't have time to wow you all with my amazing wit and talent. But, I have something even better.

You're probably thinking, "Better than you? How can that be possible?"

Well, the answer is simple: Mark Fucking Turns.

In my last post about the great MT, I said that my Kater got the opportunity to interview Mark and I would post the video as soon as I could. Well, that day is finally here. So watch, wonder, and you're welcome.


Mark Turns from ktmccall on Vimeo.

Countdown to Awesome

I don't think it's any secret that I like dressing up. That's why no one reading this should be surprised that even though it's over two months away, I'm already planning my Halloween costumes (and yes, that is plural).

If I had things my way, I would dress in flamboyant, fabulous costumes with glitter eyeliner and poofed wigs everyday. I am working on building up the balls to dress my heart out on days besides Halloween and my birthday, but it's slow going. The monetary cushion needed to support such a garish habit is also a little hard to build up when I keep blowing it on margaritas at El Moderno and eggs benedict. Until I get rich or make it to the Emerald City where the Wizard will exclaim, "Sadie! You had the courage to dress awesome all along," Halloween is all I got.

I've spent my past few nights at Hachi since I got back from vacation pondering the big H issue and here are the top contenders I've come up with (if you steal any of these ideas without permission from me, I will pee on your floor):

Adam Lambert

Heavy black eyeliner, emo hair, leather, and bedazzlement--what about this doesn't scream my name? I mean, my life is the Glam Nation tour!

Johnny Weir

Johnny is one of my main boyfriends and a slight idol of mine. The only issue with Weir is that I can't decide if I would go as street Johnny Weir with tons of fur and mini metallic gloves (my current desktop background) or Poker Face Johnny with face paint and a mirrored leotard (one of my former desktop backgrounds). If you need a small taste of me as street Johnny, here's some shots of me channeling him in Berlin:

Eloise

I fucking love Eloise at the Plaza. My mom used to hide the book from Emi and I because it's all we ever wanted her to read us. Now, all I want is a Kleenex box as a hat and a little pug to pay homage to my rambunctious heroine.

Candyland

This is more of a group thing. But I totally call dibs on either Princess Lolly or Lord Licorice.

Fraggle

This is pretty much the same as Candyland where I would want a group, but I can't decide which one I would go as. There's Red, Wembley, Gobo, Boober, and so many more! I don't know if I could bring myself to choose.

Bernie Lomax

Do I really even need to explain this one? Bernie's the best, I'm the best. It just makes sense.

Stefon's Ideas

If you haven't seen the SNL Stefon clips then just get out of my life until you watch them and cry because you were laughing so hard. Plus, just think of the skits as him listing amazing Halloween costume ideas. There's DJ Baby Bok Choy, puppets in disguise, human fire hydrants, and of course, Gay Liotta.

Paula Abdul and Scat Cat

I don't know if y'all know about my love for "Opposites Attract." I made it my goal in my animation class last year to watch this cinematic masterpiece in class (and I totally succeeded). All I need to do is find someone tall and lanky to be my partner in crime (cat preferred, but I will accept human applicants).

I still have months until Halloween but I'm already stressed in trying to narrow down this list. I know you guys are really invested in my Halloween costume decisions so I'll keep you updated.

Fuck Staycation, Give Me A Gaycation!

Tomorrow morning I leave for vacation again. (I'm spoiled, I know. White privilege. Whatcha gonna do about it?)

(Please don't actually answer that and make me feel terribly guilty.)

The first stop on my whirlwind tour of the Midwest (aka Michigan and Illinois) is Gull Lake where I shall be helping Sarah babysit some kids. I can't fucking wait for this. There is nothing more fabulous than kiddie dance parties. Look at a picture of a little girl in dress-up lipsyncing to Britney Spears and then a picture of a drag queen doing the same. Practically no difference at all when it comes down to it.

So in honor of all the fierceness that's about to happen on hopefully the biggest gaycation I'll be on until Sarah and I take Las Vegas (Celine here we come!) below are some pics of one of my main STG (short, trashy, gay) boyfriends.

Ok, if I can be honest here, these pictures aren't exactly in honor of my gaycation. I saw on Twitter that Google Images got a makeover and wanted to test it. My brain went on autopilot and googled one of my favorite all-time searches: Jensen Ackles gay. There were so many new entries that I felt they needed to be shown to the world as soon as possible. 

Fashion Show! Fashion Show! Fashion Show at Lunch!

Yes, I go to New School.

Yes, I have Animal Collective, Peter Bjorn and John, Passion Pit AND Grizzly Bear on my iTunes.

And yes, I do live in fucking Williamsburg.

I swear to you though, I have truly tried to resist my hipster impulses and not dress solely in bras, blazers and ripped lace shorts. But alas, today I fell. Not completely off the wagon, mind you. I was definitely hanging with the tips of my fingers to the little dignity I had left. 

You see, Cory and I went out to a fair today and my lazy ass didn't want to wear real clothes. So off I went into the depths of Williamsburg, dressed like this:

Yes, that is my bra you see.

And yes, those are booty bike shorts from Urban Outfitters.

I'm sure Emi is just rolling her eyes and vomiting all over me right now. She hates it when I wear leggings and a tie-dye t-shirt and this is a whole heck of a lot worse. But frankly, I don't care. 

I'm 20 years old. I show my bra and ass in public and I do what I want! I don't care if some townie on vacation snaps a pic and puts me on UIUC No Pants. I was fucking comfortable and that's all that matters.

And wouldn't you rather have me wear a little less clothes than have me wear something with some slutty saying or strategically placed graphics?

See? Wouldn't those be way worse? 

Though, the eyes on the tits one is pretty funny because it's like your boobs are staring down whose ever staring at your boobs and going "Bitch plz. Back the fuck up."

Plus, at least I don't dress like a slutty subway ad for a show about lesbians (I'm looking at you, people who bought this Mod Cloth swimsuit and thought it was "tres chic").

Point made. Case closed.

ASkars Gives Fierce Face As Well As Fangs

I don't think it's any secret that my notebooks are full of a thousand variations of "ASkars + Sadie 4 EVAAA!" doodles. Since True Blood came on the air, Alexander Skarsgard has slowly risen in the ranks of my boyfriends. He is like air conditioning and DVR on a hot summer day, and for those of you in NYC right now you know how valuable those things are (preach it!).

(And yes, I did just baptist choir respond to myself. Suck on that.)

There is one thing standing in the way of our everlasting love, though. Well, technically two. ASkars is tall. In fact, boy is a full foot taller than me, ringing in at a towering 6'4".

The other issue at hand is that calling Alexander Skarsgard trashy is like eating my pizza rolls. You just don't do it.

Until tonight, I thought I was seriously breaking my type with him(ie: short, trashy, gay) but boy, was I wrong! That man has more than enough gay in him to choreograph a Johnny Weir routine with one hand while touching my boobs with the other.

I don't really want to keep you from the amazing piece of video glory any more, so please press play and have your life forever changed for the better.



Was that not my dream come true? Do you not think that nothing can get better than that video? Was that not just utter fierce perfection?

WRONG!
 
Life does get better. You see, while investigating the newly discovered glitter in my baby boy I came across this:

YEAH! WHAT NOW?!?! ASkars played a sassy fancy pants model in Zoolander and gave face even Brüno can't rival!

It's like I could die at this very moment and be perfectly content with my life (the fact that I'm also cuddled up with Lucy, eating chocolate chips and watching Bravo might also be aiding that sentiment).

But really, when I fall asleep this is what I'll be seeing in my dreams from now until forever:

So You Think You Know SYTYCD?

Summer's here and that means one of my favorite shows (which does happen to be a reality show) is back on the air and surprisingly, the word "Jersey" is no where in the title. So You Think You Can Dance is another one of the talent competitions that was born out of the success of American Idol and while I have on-and-off always watched Idol, I kind of hate it. I just loathe the product placement and pretty much everything the judges say. The entire show is just a joke that seems stuck in time. No matter what they do to try and “freshen it up,” Idol just seems stale.

I'm always surprised to remember that SYTYCD springs from the same minds that created Idol when the reason I love the show so much is that it's actually the anti-Idol. The show is void of product placement and branding. They drink their water out of normal brand-free cups and there are no cheesy car commercials (which are tiresome even when I fast-forward over them). Plus, SYTYCD has such a modern feel. From the use of contemporary music (Boy, do they love Gaga) to slang (sometimes I just want to go all Regina George on Lil C and snap “Stop trying to make ‘buck’ happen! It’s not going to happen”) to dealing with real life issues like war, sickness, death, and racism, SYTYCD is firmly grounded in contemporary society.

Compared to Idol, which seems so self-indulgent and even vain, SYTYCD has an integrity that I haven't seen on any other reality show. The audition episodes aren't there to showcase and mock the delusional. Even when they show contestants who are, how shall we say this as gracefully as Nigel Lithgow, “not up to par” with the show's standards, they are treated with respect and given more constructive criticism than harsh and insulting metaphors. And even SYTYCD's versions of Simon and Paula (aka Nigel and Mary Murphy) are well-rounded and not just their to be cranky and crazy respectively. Though Mary is known for her high-pitched "hot tamale train" screams, even she can actually give informed critiques, unlike Paula who prefers to get drunk and just babble on until someone stops her.

One of the reasons the SYTYCD judges completely out-do Idol’s is that they all actually have a reason to be there! They're all dancers or choreographers and have been on the other side of the ordeal. They empathize with the contestants in a way people like Ellen DeGeneres just can’t understand. Plus, since they are all dancers themselves they actually know what they’re talking about (what an idea!). Since the show has such high standards for both their contestants and their judges, the show also has a level of professionalism and respectability that is incomparable to any other reality show. 

It also helps that the point of SYTYCD isn’t really about gaining fame or mainstream success. Instead, contestants flock to the auditions to show off what they can do in hopes that the show will help them do more. SYTYCD is about testing your limits, learning and experiencing all kinds of dance that one otherwise might never have gotten the chance to do. Plus, unlike most of the contestants on Idol, the contestants on SYTYCD have to display their own personally artistry. (I say most for a reason because while I don't count just taking a rap song and performing it as an acoustic ballad as artistry, there have been exceptions. The most recent being my glamor diva, Adam Lambert.) Each SYTYCD contestant not only has to be an incredible dancer, but also has to be able to create their own breathtaking solos. Eliminations on SYTYCD rest more on the dancers solos while they “dance for their life” than the choreographed routines. This puts more responsibility on the dancer's own creativity and connection to dance, which is how a competition like this should be run.

I'm sorry if I sound preachy and am rambling. I want all you skeptics out there to give this show a chance. I've recently turned Sarah onto it, but I'm shooting for the whole world! It’s truly an amazing experience to watch these dancers grow each week and put everything they got on the stage night after night.  Unlike other performance competitions, SYTYCD isn’t about trying to find the most talented contestant as much as it is about creating the most well-rounded contestant in an experiment that benefits all involved, from those who make it to the finals to those cut after the first round of choreography.

Plus, have I mentioned the surplus of hotties that usually sprinkle the SYTYCD cast? My heart still swells for Season 4 winner Joshua more than any other. I mean, look at how cute he is (and talented, but that comes second).

And did you also not just fall a little bit in love with Katee too? I can’t decide if I want to be her friend or just be her! This show has given me almost as many girl crushes as it has boy crushes. But no SYTYCD girl do I love more than the host Cat Deeley. She is the only Brit than can pull off hosting an American show without coming off as annoying. She’s charming and you can tell she actually cares about the contestants and isn’t just putting on a fake front (cough Ryan Seacrest cough). Plus, she wears some ridonkulous clothes! It's rare that I see someone else who loves glitter and sequins as much as me.

Why yes, that is a sequined tiger on her dress! Truly a girl after my own heart.

But more importantly than the fact that it’s full of top-grade hotties, SYTYCD just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. It's insanely inspirational by the way it features and embraces dancers who have often been told dancing just wasn't in the cards for them. I have seen incredible performances from dancers who would traditionally be considered too tall, too short, or too big to perform professionally along with dancers who are blind, deaf, and physically handicapped. I mean, it's been four seasons since we first saw Bryan Graynor and there he was last night performing again. For those of you not familiar with SYTYCD, Bryan suffers from scoliosis and auditioned in season three. Everyone was so moved by his audition that he was asked to perform at the finale.

It also moves me (an embarrassing amount, I might add) just to watch these people explore the potential of the human body. This show gives me more tears and chills than the Grey’s Anatomy season finale! These people truly love what they do and put everything out there for us to see. I could never be that brave (or that flexible). What these dancers are able to do and express with nothing more than their own bodies and some music constantly amazes me, especially that they do so on a basic cable reality show. SYTYCD brings something to mainstream America that isn't an easy sell. Just in the past day, my roommates (yes, it's plural now) kept chuckling and mocking the show as they caught snippets. A lot of people can't get over the fact that its a reality show and others just cant get over what they see as the "silly" content. And you know what I say to these people? You can have your opinions and are free to express them--just not while I'm watching my goddamn show. 

I'm very protective of SYTYCD, even more so than Lost, in fact, and I'll argue to the death about how it's the greatest thing to happen to reality tv ever and a great addition to tv in general as well. But if you ever try to mock the show while I'm watching it and distract me from the awesomeness, I will kill you. So just wait until Mary gives her last squeal to begin your hating and then I will school you on SYTYCD and how wrong you are.

New Boyfriend: David Tennant

I've been rabidly watching Doctor Who for the past month, which means I've also been rabidly falling in love with David Tennant. How has someone so cute and charming been off my radar for the past 20 years? Oh, and did I mention fucking awesome? Because he is fucking awesome.

On his "interactive" website (by that they just mean there are links. England might be 6 hours ahead, but I guess this site thinks they're about 20 years behind) under "Shop" they sell goddamn Goonies T-shirts so that you can "Get David's Look." (Heart!)

He also probably has the best Google Image search of all of my many boyfriends.

Exhibit A:

Now that's the way I like it! Well dressed, sassy, and g-a-y! I want to slobber all over him and that suit.

And then I run into a picture like this...

Not so sexy, but love him none the less.

I don't really know what's going on here and frankly, I don't really want to. I like to imagine he's not-so-slyly pointing at someone in the front row of the audience and mocking them. You really never know with him, because in addition to being totally adorbs, he's also hilarious.

I mean, COME ON! (Said in appropriate Gob Bluth tone).

If you didn't think this guy was the full package, that picture just proved it. If I played fucking Doctor Who I'd make sure all my business cards said Rev. Sadie Gennis, PhD and I'd say stuff like his shirt all the freaking time.

And have I mentioned how good my classic "(insert celebrity name) gay" search was for him?

True. Fucking. Love.